Should men wear engagement bands?
My answer is “no”. I’m a big fan of the man being the pursuer. In this model, a woman wouldn’t necessarily need to know a man is engaged because she’s not the one going after him. But in this new age of “shoot your shot” and women proposing to men maybe there needs to be some kind of unspoken sign that a man is already and obviously (we hope!) in a serious relationship. *raises hand* I have a suggestion! Maybe that sign should be the man’s extreme lack of interest in other women? All in favor for a guy not taking or showing interest in a women when he’s already engaged?
A couple years ago I met a guy through an online dating website (he initiated contact). After several messages and phone calls he asked me to meet up with him. He decided on Chipotle and a couple days later we finally came face to face (this was more like face to stomach as I am 5ft 1.5in tall and he was about 6ft 6in). When we got into the restaurant I was hit with this strong feeling to pay for my own food. So I went with my gut and proceeded to walk in front of him to pay for my food before his burrito was done being made.
We hung out for an hour or so before parting ways for the night (I had been celibate since 2009 so there really was no other option even if I had liked him). I had this awkward underlying feeling the entire time we were together. In addition, our communication was often stagnant and being the girl who loves a pursuer, I basically went ghost on him after one meet up.
The next year I was in a relationship with a guy who wanted to make us “Facebook official”. I was a little hesitant about this because the older I got the less I wanted to let people in on my dating life. Nevertheless, I gave my blessing for him to post pictures of us. This wasn’t until I set my Facebook privacy settings so that I would have to approve a picture I was tagged in before it could show up on my page. I would reveal him to my people on MY terms lol!
Of course I checked the comments on our picture on his page to see what people thought. There was a really sweet comment from a beautiful girl who basically said I was gorgeous and he and I looked good together. I don’t know why, but I clicked on her profile picture and…(can you guess where this is going?)…I recognized her now husband as my Chipotle date from the year before!
After grilling my boyfriend with a million questions about this girl and her husband I found out that basically they had been dating since high school, engaged for several years, and recently gotten married. According to the timeline and my math, we had gone on our meet up while he was an engaged man, but not yet married.
Sir…what?! You came after me when you were already engaged to be married?! There are billions of people on the planet! How did this happen?! How was I supposed to know he was engaged? I should have “Facebooked” him and done a background check. Hindsight is 20/20. Dating as a millennial is CRAZY! It really IS a small world after all.
I’m at least glad that I paid for my own food so it felt a little less like a date. My friends wanted me to expose him to his wife (worldstar!!!), but it had been a year, they were already married, and my hope was that he had gotten whatever out of his system and was starting fresh with a new commitment to her. I was never a girl that pursued men for myself, but in this case it would have been nice to somehow know that he was in a serious relationship.
So, should men wear engagement bands? When he buys rings for his fiance’ should it now be standard practice for the man (or the fiance’) to buy another ring for him to wear before the wedding? #offthemarket