#baby · #Christian · #family · #life · #marriage

When the Blessing Feels Heavy

‘Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.’ -Psalm 127:3

Most days I wonder if and how I’m going to make it.

Most days I’m so exhausted I can barely breathe.

Most days my energy is devoured by my thoughts and the demands my little blessings put on me.

Always thinking. Always thinking.

What am I making for Yani’s lunch? What are we having for dinner?

My thoughts are interrupted by a cry.

Oh, she’s probably hungry again. It’s been two hours already. Well, let me change her diaper first, then give her a bottle. I might as well change Yani too. Let me make the bottle before I change her so it can be ready. Nevermind, she’s screaming now. I’ll just make the bottle after the diaper change. I’ll give her to her Dad while I make the bottle. He can hold her in one arm, type with the hand on the other arm, and unmute himself on the call when he needs to.

Don’t get lost in your thoughts right now. Stay present and narrate the diaper change, make eye contact, smile, and be expressive with Koko to help with brain development.

No! Yani, don’t —-

Is my work phone ringing? I need to get that document sent in by 2pm. What time is it now? Well, Yani will nap at 1pm and then I’ll have some time. Then I can give Koko some extra one on one, start dinner, put the dishes in the dish washer. I should do something this evening for me…

Why bother? You spend hours recording, editing and uploading YouTube videos for them to get 30 views. Stop reading their posts and watching their stories. They’re not telling and showing you everything. The poison of their ‘prosperity’ is bringing death by comparison. No one is living your life…

The shower is so relaxing. I never thought this would be so important to me…

*Looks in the mirror*

My body has done some amazing things in this past year and I am ready to try and get back to fitting more comfortably in my clothes. I can work out again! My OB cleared me and —-

When are you going to find time to work out? In the mornings when you’ve just finished a feeding and need the sleep before your work day starts in 3hrs? Or maybe in the evenings when the work day is over and you’re scraping together fumes of energy to survive on until the kids’ bedtimes?

I just need a break. An entire 24hrs of time to myself to get refreshed.

Will your husband keep the girls for the 24hrs by himself? When he’s not working, he’s studying, in class, doing homework or being a great dad. I actually don’t know when he sleeps either…

Tough moments string together and turn into a tough season or seasons.

The days are long, but the years are short. But also the days….are…..long…..

Reach out for support, but isolate. Let people help you, but quarantine. Lean on others, but practice social distancing. Cause ‘Rona….

Second by second. Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Live to see another day and do it all again.

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