I often wonder if I’m doing too much.
I’m a transparency junkie, but I know not everyone else is. Just because I want to know the intricate details of everyone’s life doesn’t mean they want to know mine. Maybe it’s the therapist in me?
I mainly wonder if I’m over sharing when it comes specifically to my motherhood journey. I believe there’s wisdom in discretion, but I also believe there’s healing in displaying your humanity at the sake of people knowing they’re not alone.
Is it just me?
I’m currently trying to decide if I should take a step back from making posts about my struggles in this area. It’s not easy having people think you suck as a mother (no one has said this to my face, but I can’t help but wonder if they think this). Am I making a fool of myself? It’s embarrassing out here on the ledge by myself. Am I really by myself?
I don’t want my girls to grow up and become mothers and feel discouraged by some unGodly high standard of motherhood perfection they saw from me. Like, ‘I could never be as good of a mother as my mom.’
I want them to know I struggled so it’s ok if they do too. It’s also ok if they don’t. I also want them to always be aware of their mortality and their need to depend on a supernatural God.
But still, maybe people are tired of hearing and reading about poor Laketra drowning in diapers. My pain is not entertainment. Or maybe it is.
To disappear or not to disappear…